Crossroads

The past year seems to have flown by. On February 13th of this year I celebrated my 33rd birthday, I know it isn't one of the romanticized and/or dreaded numbers like 16, 21, or even 40, but it is a milestone I am glad I encountered just the same. I seem to have better LUCK, for lack of a better word, on my odd years. I am not superstitious, just stating the fact that my even years have shown me more grief and struggles than my odd. I am sure this is purely coincidence.

My grandfather passed away a year ago February 19th. My heart still feels the weight of grieving for the great man that he was and I find that even in my adult years I idolize him. He was my superman so to speak, I never imagined life without him.

I know I mentioned some changes that caused me to have to relocate. A long term relationship, including a 3 year engagement, ended a year ago this month. I took it hard for reasons other than the norm. Here I was trying to figure out why everything was ending, yet I was crying over the years I had set my goals and dreams aside to encourage and support someone else to fulfill theirs. I was so mad at myself, I raise my daughters to be independent, successful young women and yet I was doing the complete opposite. We lived in his hometown, near his family. I woke up one morning a few days later and decided I needed to be with my family and now I know they needed me too. It took them a while to admit it and some are still in denial, but that is where we are, at a crossroads for the children and myself. I am not really sure where we are going, but I have faith in myself that we will get there and things will be good, not easy, but good.

I want to explore my dreams and goals once more. I have always wanted to work in animal medicine. I have started the process of enrolling in school so I can do just that, but part of me is second guessing that decision. I will go back to school, but still not sure what I want to do with that education. I have a lot of support no matter what I decide. My new beau, "J", is constantly encouraging me to try new things and better myself. We started dating in June and aside from a short 2 week episode of what I like to call J's idiot tantrum, we are very happy. I am taking things one day at a time as far as that goes. Dating is not what I remember at all and until I met him I was starting to wonder if it was really worth pursuing. I was quite content being single, but now I wouldn't change things for anything, even if it doesn't end well, I will enjoy the adventure.

One goal I am working on currently is to get fit and get to a much healthier weight. I am quite happy with my progress and cant wait to share with you all as I continue that journey. I dropped under the 200 LB mark a while ago and I am still excited about that. To me it was a major hurdle.